[8/24/12] I woke up one morning to find an arrow to my back. I didn’t see it coming. New York is tough as it is, and I thought I’d been very careful, but once again, when I wasn’t looking, the sharpest stab from behind, more painful than probably the real thing. People wonder why I’ve become so detached and distant. It’s because of this. But I’ve also always been this way. I build a wall, leave nothing on my sleeves, and I lock completely up. A void. That’s also why I dress a certain way. All black, industrial jewelry, running heels. More practical than you’d think. And that’s the fascinating thing about fashion. Beyond a material world driven by vanity and indulgence, is the idea of protection. I’ve found that when people dress up, it’s not for show, or to create attention, or to be a standout, it’s really just to hide from the ugly/cheating/stealing/back-stabbing world outside. Fashion becomes more than just a metaphor—because it is really the only physical thing we have to hide our brokenness behind. But what happens when your fashion shield isn’t strong enough for even the slightest of prey? Will this void I’ve created ever empty itself out? Will I be able to trust again? In the words of my friend Daphne, “We need armour.” And lots of it.
[6.3.11] typical. but recently added the galaxy tablet as a new member… for reading, browsing, skpying…whatever. run my life. i mean, what of it.