they say everything happens for a reason. things don’t just happen. that every step we take lead us to exactly where we are meant to be. now how is it that every step i’ve made feel as though i’ve taken every wrong turn possible? will i ever be at the right place at the right time? precisely when is that? i tell myself after every bloody, soul-draining rejection, that “it wasn’t meant to be” …to soften the blow, give myself a glimpse of hope, safeguard the ego, but perhaps, more than anything, to be able to sleep at night. because frankly, half-heartedly trying to convince myself to believe i have any chance at all has proved empty. but how many wrong turns do i get before i realize i’m only going in circles? do i keep waiting and waiting for that something that is “bigger and better”? what if i’ve got it all wrong? what if all of this fighting doesn’t, as promised, lead to anything in the end? and with each fall, each u-turn, each detour, and each door slammed in the face, when do i admit to myself that it’s just not working out and that it’s probably time to throw in the towel, take the exit, and go home?

xteri